Popcorn for one please…

by Caton McKenna

On MLK day I spent most of the morning finishing up law school applications..and by lunch time, I was over it.

I wanted to see a movie.

Because my roommates were working diligently preparing lessons for the next day (which I probably should have done as well (not like we had 10 days off due to snow or anything :-p))…*yeah I just did double parenthesis*, I decided to venture to the theater by myself.

This was an epic move on my part.

I have never been to the movie theater by myself.

I chose to go see The Fighter, because 1. I heard it’s really good 2. I didn’t feel like I would be overwhelmed by couple nausea. 3. Mark Wahlberg is super hot.

I purchased my movie ticket boldly.

One for Mark Wahlberg The Fighter please.

Then I made my first mistake. Waiting in line for popcorn and a drink.

Do you think there is ever a size small enough for a single movie goer? No. Even two people usually get overwhelmed by that amount of popcorn. You would think that the way I eat popcorn (like a starving person stuffing handfuls of popcorn in her mouth and dropping half), I’d be able to handle a small…but you’d be wrong.

I saw a little kid carrying a convenient little carrier of popcorn and drink and thought…THAT’S PERFECT.

After an embarrassing wait in line where I tried inching closer and closer to the guy ahead of me like we were together so it didn’t look like I was alone, I finally made my economic and convenient selection: kiddie popcorn and drink combo please!

For the low low low price of $5.75 (ripped off).

Here I was, trying to be super adult, going to an oscar nominated film by myself…and I blow my cover with a kiddie combo that comes with gummy bears. Typical.

I finally make my way into the movie just as the lights dim, perfect, no one can judge me! I make my way all the way back to the last row.

Second mistake.

The last row is obviously for couples. The chairs have no armrests…it’s like a loveseat. That’s alright, I can sit there because I’m in a love affair with Mark Wahlberg. Just me and you baby.

Then the worst thing ever happens, a mushy couple comes in and heads right for the back. They ask if the seat next to me is taken, when there are obviously ample seats available elsewhere.


Yes this seat is taken, my boyfriend’s just in the bathroom.

Bold-faced lie.

They nod and move down a few seats and proceed to suck face in a movie about boxing and crack addiction. They must be in love.

The movie was absolutely worth seeing alone, despite being paranoid the couple would notice I was by myself for the entirety of the movie.

More on The Fighter later…but I will just say Amy Adams is my hero. She is awesome.

Oh, and Mark Wahlberg is very, very hot.